


Drowned in Living Waters

by lilybluee



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Kinda, M/M, Slow Burn, a lot of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 13:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16995930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilybluee/pseuds/lilybluee
Summary: Just when he’s about to nudge his bed mate with his foot, Hyungwon startles him with a swift turn of his head, and Hoseok mouths‘Jesus fuck’.“Bro, there’s something I need to tell you,” Hyungwon says, his serious face barely noticeable in the moonlight.Hoseok gulps. “What?”“Bro,”“What, what? Hit me up, say it,”“Bro!”“Hyungwon, I swear-”“Third wheeling fuckingsucks, bro.”//(Or in which Hoseok is in his feelings, Hyungwon has had enough and Hyunwoo is as oblivious as ever).





	Drowned in Living Waters

✧

 

Hoseok likes hanging out with Hyungwon.

They’re twenty, dumb young adults clinging still to the remains of their stress-free, adulting-free, _everything_ -free teen years. Hoseok doesn’t have his life together, but neither does Hyungwon. There’s a reason they’ve been best friends for years.

Hoseok likes hanging out with Hyungwon. The dude is lanky and drags his limbs behind him, very laid-back (maybe too laid-back) and fucking hilarious Hoseok almost peed his pants once when the idiot had a near death experience from having his pants zipper clamped shut on his balls.

Spending time together is fun. Hell, it’s what keeps Hoseok sane when assignments and projects and midterms team up to give his ass a good beating and Hyungwon snorts cocoa powder like _cocaine_ and Hoseok hollers and almost bursts his lungs because _what the fuck?_ (He always makes sure though that Hyungwon is fine, he can’t have him dead yet).

Okay, so there’s all of that and more, for instance how Hyungwon’s home is very cozy, very warm and _homey_. The lack of parents is also a plus so they can both go batshit crazy and have no judgments clinging to their napes. They’re adults now and they’re perfectly aware of it, but they might as well act like brats while they still can. Hoseok is seriously not ready for this next leap in life plans. 

Hyungwon doesn’t live alone though. There’s the brother, the only reason his parents allowed him to move cities in the first place. Hyungwon lives with his brother Hyunwoo, and though absent most of the time, Hoseok did encounter him before.

And he’s very… _ummm_ (that’s a moan).

Hyunwoo and Hyungwon, except maybe for their names, have absolutely nothing in common. Where one is lazy and quiet and out of his fucking mind, the other is mature and hard working, awoke at 6 a.m and making breakfast for Hyungwon and his friend before leaving for work, asking about Hoseok’s well being whenever they cross ways, being an absolute angel with his cute smile and gorgeous face (fucking Hoseok up with wild thoughts at 3 a.m with pushed up bangs and formal attire, thank heavens his roommate wasn’t home at that time).

He’s just very, _very_ nice. Is Hoseok one whipped man? Yes. Is he going to do anything about it? No. He’ll take that crazed shit to the grave with him. Not even Hyungwon knows about his serious heart case and Hoseok plans to keep things that way until maybe some meteor stops roleplaying with Planet Earth and ricochets in their direction for plain destruction. Maybe then he’ll consider confessing. Maybe.

Hyunwoo is everything Hoseok ever wished his dream man to be. His Dream Man. His wide shouldered, plum lipped, unnecessarily cute (and unnecessarily hot) Dream Man, did Hoseok mention he’s whipped?

Hoseok might be big and broad with muscles and whatnot. People usually take him for the dominant type, the one to lead, the big spoon.

That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

 _Submissive_ is stamped on his blood cells. Everything in his attitude screams _spoon me and shower me with love_. Hoseok is endlessly tired of having twinks fall for him (or his body, who knows) only to have them severely disappointed and dumping him not a month later.

Hoseok is submissive and he wears like a collar around his neck. He’s not ashamed of it. He likes to be led and given orders, in daily life, in bed, in literally everything. He’s just that way and people should cut him some slack with their _‘big guys shouldn’t be submissive’_ bullshit.

So the fact Hyunwoo is bigger and taller keeps Hoseok awake at night. Once, at 1 a.m, and in the confines of a darkened hallway, Hyunwoo accidently bumped hard into Hoseok, so hard Hoseok fell on his butt and groaned in pain. Hyunwoo had immediately held his hand, wrapped an arm around his waist and lifted him up, apologies leaving his mouth and Hoseok groaning in pain and something else.

Hoseok had realized something that day. Hyunwoo easily lifted him; _very easily_ he feels the need to stress, and fuck, his mind reels at the potential, at big hands holding firm his knees, at the strong body pressing him flush to the wall- _this is getting exciting_ \- at the-

“You’re fucking gross.”

A gentle push and Hoseok deliberately falls off the bed. He hides his face in shame. His ears too.

“What are you thinking about you gross fuck?” Hyungwon drawls from where he’s sprawled on the bed, his chubby lips pulled like a duck. That’s another thing the brothers share.

Hoseok rolls on the carpeted floor, flails like a dying fish. “I’m not thinking about anything. What are you talking about?”

Hyungwon sits up, and when a Hyungwon sits up, it’s serious matter. “You were getting hard. In front of my virgin innocent eyes. The fucking audacity.”

Hoseok gulps. He touches his earlobes and he knows they must be very flushed.

“Everyone and their mother know you’re far from being an innocent virgin. I’ll go as far as to say you’re the hoe in this relationship. Don’t worry, you have my full support, just remember to use protection.” Hoseok gives Hyungwon two thumbs up, grins at the sheer amount of panic in Hyungwon’s eyes.

So they revert to whispering.

“You’re aware Hyunwoo is home, right?”

“Yes.”

“I swear to God Hoseok if he heard you-“

“Kids!” comes the sudden shout from the burst open door of Hyungwon’s bedroom. Time walks on eggshells and Hoseok can feel the shrill fear emanated in the air. They’re gonna be in trouble.

Hyunwoo smiles. “Dinner time, I ordered us some pizza.” He’s still in his formal attire, business like, sweat damping his dress shirt and Hoseok is currently witnessing the greatest creation on earth. Or maybe God Himself.

“Ah yeah sure brother, we’ll be there in a sec.” Kudos to Hyungwon for quickly gaining back his composure. Hoseok could never.

Hyunwoo smiles at Hoseok in his polite way before he closes the door behind him and leaves.

It’s quiet for a while, and then.

“I think, I think I might be in shock,” Hyungwon says with a trembling hand over his heart.

Hoseok mouths _‘same’_.

 

 

So this is a Saturday and Saturdays are usually Hoseok’s favorite living days, hands down the best of the week (Sundays are terrible though, would not recommend).

It’s just. _Hyunwoo_. He’s around and Hoseok satiates his need to breathe the same general oxygen as Hyunwoo to keep him going through the rest of the week, addiction might be like that sometimes.

Hyunwoo does not just check on them and get them snacks and dinner. Hyunwoo actually spends time with them. The angel _actually_ takes precious hours of his day to hang out with them like best pals would. Are they even worthy of such noble cause for humanity? Hoseok doubts it, that doesn’t mean he won’t indulge himself.

It’s night time now, snow lightly drenching trees and asphalts and accentuating the spirit. They’re getting ready for a trip to the ice rink and Hoseok has problems containing the nerves. He absolutely sucks at skating (flashback to the one time he sprained his ankle and scraped his cheek until it bled, Hyungwon laughing to the side like a maniac because that’s what best friends do), but it’s quality time with Hyunwoo and Hoseok is always ready to risk it all.

He wears his beanie over his tuft of wavy soft hair, adjusts his skinny black jeans and wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. And waits. And waits.

“Hyungwon!”

Floorboards creak and Hyungwon finally emerges from down the stairs with casual outwear and-

is that a full-face?

Hoseok waves arms in air, helpless and betrayed.

“This is the highest forms of treason, why do you get to look like that while I get to look like _this_? Didn’t we agree for a natural look? I fucking hate you.”

The sleezy turtle, he has vibrant blue contact lenses on and a smoky eye look. That’s so unfair.

Hyungwon shrugs in mirth, hops the rest of the stairs and sprints out of the door. Returns back again, winks at Hoseok, runs off. Hoseok hopes a _revenge for dummies_ or something like that exists, he’ll need the assistance.

Hoseok takes the back seat and fastens his belt. Hyunwoo owns a very nice sports car, expensive as shit and the coziest interior of a car he’s ever been in. Super comfortable and the smile Hyunwoo usually gives him via the rearview mirror further installs the warmth in his bones.

Hoseok watches how Hyunwoo stares at his brother in the passenger seat disapprovingly. He opens his mouth, but obviously gives up and shares a look with Hoseok before he pulls out of the driveway.

Hoseok stares out the window and like, grins.

 

 

“-and the fucking asshole hung up on me? The bitchass wanted to die so bad he cut me off before I finished talking, he’s lucky h-”

“Wait wait, brain freeze.” Hoseok’s eyes are squeezed shut, his ice cream held tight in his hand. The pain passes and he gestures at Hyungwon to rant on.

“He’s lucky he was good to me in bed, or else I would have- _ugggh fuck_ ,” it’s Hyungwon’s turn for a brain freeze and Hoseok just sighs and looks at the beautiful people and their beautiful skates, twirling in air under the orange glow of light poles.

Hyunwoo is on the ice rink too, enjoying the easy slides on ice and he almost loses balance but succeeds in his fight against gravity at the very last second. Hoseok slow claps to himself, his free hand against his thigh.

It’s really easy, watching Hyunwoo enjoying his Saturday night with twinkles of stars sprayed over his irises, infantile excitement over smooth sailing flips and chest brimming with pride at every turn around the rink he makes without tragically crashing with ice. 

Hoseok watches him like his life depends on it, a knife held to his throat if he dares a simple blink. Somehow, Hyunwoo catches his eye, smiles bright and waves at him, and it’s like thorns spring to life in Hoseok’s esophagus and choke him up to tears. Hoseok wonders if proposing to Hyunwoo in the middle of the ice rink would be too much. He bites a final time into his ice cream and moans in pain.

 “ _Jesus_ , is that Minhyuk?” Hyungwon asks while elbowing Hoseok in the ribs.

Hoseok looks up and there he is, the other idiot, the Hyungwon 2.0 but like, the loud version.

“No I’m not Jesus, and yes that’s Minhyuk.”

Minhyuk seems to be struggling on his skates, his arms out in air in case he’s to kiss the icy floor. His big thick scarf is not helping him in the slightest since he has to adjust it over his neck every two seconds.

Hyungwon is already bouncing up, quick to get his skates on. “This is gonna be fun.” And he takes penguin steps on the regular asphalt until he reaches the rink and glides in Minhyuk’s direction.

Hoseok can see the panic in Minhyuk’s eyes this far away, Hyungwon approaching him skillfully like a predator and Minhyuk mumbling something, silent prayers for his soul, or maybe profanities. Probably both. 

“Let’s go Hoseok.”

Hoseok for a second wonders if he’s starting to hear things this early in life until he notices Hyunwoo standing before him, very close.

Hyunwoo is holding out a hand and Hoseok makes a confused face.

“Go where?”

“The ice, the rink, skating? Come on,” he smiles, the lights reflecting on the natural highlights of his cheek bones. Hoseok stares a bit more until he remembers that Hyunwoo is still offering his hand, expectant and hopeful, and so he takes it, thanking the Lord in his head for this early Christmas gift.

Hyunwoo holds his hand tight and purposeful, and though Hoseok’s digits are numb and feel ready to fall off, Hoseok squeezes back and prays for time to freeze so he could mull properly over Hyunwoo’s hand in his. God it’s so warm.

“I’ll let go now-”

“Wait! Wait wait, I’ll die, please don’t let go.”

Hyunwoo chuckles, holds both Hoseok’s hands. “You’ll be fine, I’ll catch you if you fall.”

And Hoseok, you know, wants to cry. He grins so hard, giggles like a child, thinks through the times he genuinely trusted someone with his life, which is not that often, wonders if he could blurt _‘I love you so much I’d give up anything to spend the rest of my miserable life with you gorgeous ethereal angel please step on me’_ and get away with it by adding a _‘bro’_ at the end.

Hyunwoo does as he said, and Hoseok dies a little every time a hand holds his forearm and steadies him, and it’s fine, he’ll survive, he believes. He’s getting very warm.

“Do you think I might be on Santa’s good list?”

Hyunwoo quirks an eyebrow, his expression somewhere on the smiling-eyes-but-barely-tilted-lips, it’s insanely attractive.

“I want the Christmas gift I wished for.”

“And what did you wish for?”

Hoseok is getting nervous, and if he could slap himself until he blacks out he would. “A secret between Santa and me. I wouldn’t want to jinx it.”

“Oh, our Hoseokkie has secrets too. You’re a grown up now, hyung is proud.”

Hoseok blushes, sparks of warm pink on his cheeks. He resists hiding his face in his hands. Hyunwoo notices and his eyes take on the gentleness Hoseok is incredibly weak for. If only people could be a little more like Hyunwoo, the world would be such a better place for all living beings.

“I’m sure Santa has a special treat for you. You can barely hurt a fly and you cry at kids shows. You’re definitely special, I can attest to that.”

Hyunwoo skates a good distance back, still facing Hoseok. He gives Hoseok an encouraging nod.

Hoseok does not think twice, goes forward. He doesn’t fall because Hyunwoo holds him at the end. He’s overwhelmingly happy. Saturdays are sure the best.

(He could hear Hyungwon’s cynical laugh somewhere on his left with a very Minhyuk-like screech following after. He hopes Minhyuk will live to see another day.)

 

 

“Okay kids, we’re home.”    

Hoseok groans and Hyungwon’s breath catches on a particularly loud snore, so loud it seems fake but no, the lazy bastard’s sleeping habits are really that bad, so bad it jostles Hoseok from his sleep whenever he sleeps over. Anyway, none of them want to leave Hyunwoo’s comfy car yet. It’s warm and outside is cold and if teleportation existed it would’ve saved them so much pain, why is living so hard.

Hyungwon is in the backseat, folded on himself in a fetal position and it’s quite fascinating to witness. He looks tiny. Tiny and Hyungwon shouldn’t be in the same sentence.

“Come on guys, you’ll get back pain and surely no one wants that.”

Hoseok can feel the pout fighting its way to his lips. He yawns and stretches his limbs as far as he could in the cramped space. He was swirling in an excellent dream too, something that included candy canes and gummy bears and the sweet joys of life, literally. It makes him nostalgic for something he’s never had before. His neck zaps him whenever he moves because of the awkward position he was sleeping in but that’s fine, it was worth it.

After four failed attempts, Hyungwon finally opens his bloodshot eyes.

“Dude, you look like death.”

Hyungwon couldn’t care less. He drags a hand over his face, opens the car door and runs for the house. Hoseok just witnessed a diva moment, and it was so powerful he’s still flabbergasted.

It’s Hoseok’s turn to step out of the car. Hyunwoo locks the doors. Goosebumps assault Hoseok’s skin like tiny misshapen monsters with gnarly teeth.

Hoseok gets disoriented for a second, a little wobbly on his feet with achy arms and achy neck. He stumbles back into a wall and the wall holds him. Wait, no, that’s Hyunwoo's steady hand on his shoulder. The warmth seeps through the fabric of his sweater and chases away those ugly monsters and their ugly teeth. Hoseok knew he could trust Hyunwoo with his life. 

"Still sleepy? Want me to carry you?" Hyunwoo asks him. 

And Hoseok laughs, because that's some pretty realistic shit right there, his mind is wilding. 

"Here, let me-" 

He screams first and trashes next and almost slaps Hyunwoo in the face in a haste to cling to his neck. Hoseok chokes on air, and fuck, that's really painfully, but Hyunwoo is lifting his whole body mass, flesh and bone, blood and everything in between, Hoseok might actually faint.

Hyunwoo adjusts him properly in his arms. His large hands incredibly warm, incredibly safe, Hoseok’s breath stutters.

It's short lived though, and Hyunwoo lays him down gently- _oh so very gently_ \- on Hyungwon's king sized bed. 

“Change first before you sleep, jeans can be a pain.” Hyunwoo says, voice soft and finely polished to Hoseok’s ears.

Hoseok nods meekly, and Hyunwoo pats his hair and wishes him a goodnight with merry dreams before he closes the door behind him.

So Hoseok stares at the ceiling and, like a dumbass, cries sweet and salty tears.

 

 

Hoseok sighs, and it’s a very long, very prolonged and very exasperated sigh like, strongly so. Like, he might actually strangle someone, and that someone is suspiciously tall and skinny, suspiciously _Hyungwon_.

Whatever, he’ll just get started on this assignment without Hyungwon, someone needs to make that sacrifice and save their unpromising future, Hoseok is not about to drop out of college because of a stupid literature assignment with an equally stupid partner. He needs his caffeine and it’s only 7:30 in the morning but he’s already tired. That should be illegal.

The library is relatively empty and where he’s sitting has no one around except maybe for that one girl who’d been crying for ten minutes straight until her alarm clock went off and she wiped her tears and gulped the rest of her coffee and went on working like nothing happened.

And that was. Wow. That was so fucking _badass_. Hoseok had considered comforting her at first because he gets her, he really does. Now, he’s not sure anymore. If anything, he would like some life advice. And maybe an autograph. She’s his new hero, the greatest of the mass, newest addition to the people he looks up to. Her time management is on-fucking-point. Hyungwon should take notes.

Thirty minutes later, Hyungwon finally shows up, and it takes a great amount of patience and perfectly practiced temper for Hoseok not to hurl something at him. They agreed to meet up at 7 in the bloody morning, and it’s already 8 and Hoseok wonders if a bro killing his bro would be considered a crime, he is so gonna tell Hyunwoo about this.

Hyungwon smiles sheepishly, looking quite nervous.

“I had a nightmare.”

“Uhh,” Hoseok says.

Hyungwon clears his throat and carefully takes the seat opposite Hoseok. “It was on and off night sleep.” He brings his arms up and his expression shifts to something more serious. “There were clowns with big ugly heads and the ugliest applied makeup I’ve ever seen. I’m still offended their foundations didn’t match their necks, I even tried to help them out with my excellent makeup skills but they chased after me and killed me on the spot so thanks, I guess.”

And he pulls out iced coffee from somewhere (maybe his ass), takes a sip with his reusable straw and grins.

Hoseok just- he just sets a timer for ten minutes and weeps. Hyungwon rubs his back, whispers _‘there there baby boy, everything’s gonna be alright’_ , and kisses his cheek.

They spend the whole day in the library, and Hoseok doesn’t let Hyungwon off until they’ve accomplished the assignment, because none of them are dropping out of college, that’s not the kind of legacy Hyunwoo would want them to leave behind, Hoseok is sure.

Anyway, he makes Hyungwon pay for his coffee for the rest of the week, fees for the emotional distress he has caused him.

 

 

It’s another Saturday but sadly Hyunwoo won’t spend it with them because of an urgent call from work. Hoseok is disappointed (he teared up when Hyungwon met him at the front door with an ‘ _it’s only you and me baby, get the condoms ready, tonight is the night darling,’_ and Hoseok inwardly and outwardly cringed, that was really fucking gross to hear, ew).

They watch a movie together, go back and forth over what could have and what should have, eat pizza, and almost fight because of a stupid tasteless meme.

It’s already 1 a.m so Hoseok finally decides to act like an adult and do the right thing. He helps Hyungwon with dyeing his hair from a bubblegum pink to a sunset orange.

The bathroom is their crime scene, it’s a mess. Hoseok accidently streaked Hyungwon’s eyebrow with dye, which made him shriek because he never intended to touch his eyebrows. Light hair and natural dark eyebrows is the deal now for Christ's sake.

Whatever, it’s too late for that. Hyungwon dyes his eyebrows as well and wears a shower cap over his head while they wait for the magick to happen. Or the chemicals to fuck up his hair shaft into a beautiful sunset orange. Hoseok can’t wait to throw around the tangerine jokes.

Unsurprisingly, Hoseok misses Hyunwoo. His intricately sculptured, warm skinned Hyunwoo. The love of his life, the greatest being to ever grace Earth since maybe Jesus. He hasn’t seen him since last Saturday. Someone please bring him Hyunwoo, Hoseok is sad.

“Something the matter?” 

“Uuum what?”

Hyungwon shrugs. He glances curiously at Hoseok who’s sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“You seem down.”

Is this the time to talk about their Emotions? Is this Hoseok’s call? Should he just go for it and tell Hyungwon about all those feelings he’s been harboring for his brother for more than a year now? It’s not like they will cease to be friends. Hoseok had been lucky enough to land on another homo in secondary school. They connected very easily because of their dry self-deprecating jokes, and now here they are, useless as ever and Hoseok vows to preserve this friendship for as long as possible.

Hoseok has always known Hyungwon would never react negatively to his feelings for Hyunwoo. He’s just That Friend, the one to scream your name loud and clear in encouragement on a volleyball match until security threatens to kick him out (Hoseok would know), the one to cover for your ass in case you were stuck on a late night date and Parents call him worriedly to ask about your whereabouts (Hoseok, again, would know), the one to play the matchmaker in the relationship because you don't know how to use your words.

Hyungwon is all of that and more. Hoseok loves the idiot and gets worried for him whenever he does some dangerous dumb shit just for laughs and giggles.

Hoseok also knows he could tell Hyungwon everything, so maybe now he should just-

“I…” he pauses, swallows. Hyungwon gives him a kind smile.

“I think-”

The loud ping cuts Hoseok off. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he hurries to fish it out.

 

 **Kihyuunie ♥ / 1:33 a.m**  
hyung  
hoseokkie hyung  
are you not coming home?

 

“It’s kihyun,” Hoseok says. Hyungwon just sneers and reaches for a washcloth.

 

 **Hoseok / 1:33 a.m**  
im with woonie  
dying his hair  
*dieying?  
im staying over  
wait  
what are you doing???  
go to sleep kihyunnie

 

 **Kihyuunie ♥ / 1:34 a.m**  
i can’t  
a ghost woke me up  
i can’t go back to sleep  
:’(  
please, come back home  
the ghost is bullying me hyung

 

Hyungwon removes his shower cap and starts washing off the dye. Hoseok moves a bit to the side for more space and goes back to his roommate.

 

 **Hoseok / 1:35 a.m**  
oh baby im sorry  
won’t doctor cuddles suffice?  
hyunwoo is not home  
and none of us useless gays can drive  
:(

 

 **Kihyunnie ♥ / 1:35 a.m**  
your huge teddy bear scares me  
i fear it might bite off my head  
and yes im aware its an inanimate object  
but those are even scarier than ghosts  
wait  
someone is knocking on the door  
hoseokkie hyung  
if I die tonight know that ive always loved you  
and that ive stolen some of your socks and underwear  
please don’t mention that in my funeral  
id like to keep a good reputation  
i guess its time to die

 

 **Hoseok / 1:36 a.m**  
just open the door kihyun

 

 **Kihyunnie ♥ / 1:36 a.m**  
right

 

“Hoseok, would you be a dear and pass me the conditioner?”

“Oh, sure,” Hoseok finds this shift in mood quite misplaced. Not sure what’s exactly misplaced though. He rummages in the cabinet, finds the desired conditioner and places it in Hyungwon’s wet hand. The dye washes off and makes the bathtub even more of a mess, but like a beautiful kind of a mess. A colorfully chaotic mess.

His phone buzzes again.

 

 **Kihyunnie ♥ / 1:40 a.m**  
i survived  
hyung i survived  
its changkyun  
not sure why but he can’t sleep either  
thank you for the good vibes hyung

 

 **Hoseok/ 1:41 a.m**  
tell him i say hi  
kiss his chubby cheeks for me  
don’t pinch them too hard they can be sensitive  
have a goodnight sleep babies

 

 **Kihyunnie ♥ / 1:42 a.m**  
hyung.please stop infantilizing us  
we’re adults too  
now go to bed  
punch hyungwon for me  
and punch him hard, thank you

 

He chances a glance at Hyungwon who’s toweling dry his newly colored hair, thinks long and hard about Kihyun’s suggestion.

 

 **Hoseok/ 1:43 a.m**  
i think ill leave the punch for another day

 

 **Kihyunnie ♥ / 1:43 a.m**  
:’(  
fine

 

Hoseok laughs because that’s so adorable. His roommate can be really adorable, sometimes, when he’s not running low on caffeine. Which, you know, Hoseok understands. He has his own inner demon too, and coffee usually keeps it tame.

Sometime later, Hoseok sits Hyungwon down and blow-dries his hair. The color gets a cross between a vibrant and a muted orange, it’s fascinatingly pretty. Gorgeously so. It makes Hoseok want to dye his own chocolate brown hair, but he most definitely won’t because maintaining the color is too much work and _money_ , he’s one broke college student alright.

They finally go to bed at two something in the morning. Hoseok always shares Hyungwon’s king sized bed with him, the thing is too big for one lanky being. Hyungwon doesn’t really mind and usually they switch around spooning and cuddle under bundles and bundles of blankets. It’s like gay solidarity, an Union against the Ruthless Cold #404. The straights should just give up that toxic masculinity and share heat with their bros before their dicks freeze and fall off.

Hoseok closes his eyes, tries to sleep, fails miserably. The words have been weighting his tongue heavy, and he needs to let them out before the muscle cramps from the strain.

He knows Hyungwon is not passed out yet. His snoring is too much of natural disaster to go amiss.

Hoseok shifts in the blissful warmth inside their cocoon of blankets. The winds moan and howl against window panes, and it’s a pleasant, kinda nostalgic sound, it levels up his mood, fuels the flimsy courage he has. Just when he’s about to nudge his bed mate with his foot, Hyungwon startles him with a swift turn of his head, and Hoseok mouths _‘Jesus fuck’_.

“Bro, there’s something I need to tell you,” Hyungwon says, his serious face barely noticeable in the moonlight.

Hoseok gulps. “What?”

“Bro,”

“What, what? Hit me up, say it,”

“Bro!”

“Hyungwon, I swear-”

“Third wheeling fucking _sucks,_ bro.”

A pause.

The winds howl a bit louder, but it’s like Hoseok grows cotton candy in his ears, for everything sounds foamy and imperceptibly loud.

“What?” he repeats.

Hyungwon fills his lungs with a deep inhale, and then,

“I’m sick and tired of watching you both headasses circling each other like a bunch of wild cats in heat, that shit has given me so many headaches I cannot possibly proceed this way with life, you’re so ridiculously stupidly oblivious to each other’s feelings or whatnot and watching you two is like pouring hot boiling water all over my eyeballs, it’s so painful Virgin Marie have fucking mercy.”

Hyungwon seals it with another deep inhale and a sweet smile.

And it’s- umm…

Okay, quite the volcano that was.

But wait, something doesn’t add up?

“Did you just say-”

“That you need to bang Hyunwoo, or that he bangs you or whatever, so that the world would be at peace again? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying, a whole motherfucking yes.” And it’s another sweet smile.

Hoseok nods, secretly pinching his hip in case this is another weird mind stimulation, in case Hyungwon had slipped something in his food and induced him into whatever this is. “Okay, alright, uh- are you- are you sure you’re okay? Hyungwon I’m worried.”

Hyungwon shushes him and grasps his shoulders with the strength of a toothpick. His eyes take on a softer hue, his orange hair strands gleaming bleakly by moonlight. It occurs to Hoseok then that he’s really not dreaming. This is the honest reality of things.

“Why haven’t you told me Hoseok?”

“About-About what?”

Hyungwon just stares at him, not angry, no.

“It’s okay, you no longer have to hide it.”

This is not what Hoseok signed up for on a Saturday night. He’d expected a-date-but-also-NOT-a-date with Hyunwoo, Hyungwon filling the background with grueling obscene jokes since he’s quite proficient at those. Hoseok did not expect to be tearing up in front of Hyungwon at two something in the morning with orange dye still staining their hands.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I wasn’t sure myself what was going on and why things have developed in this sense. It was all too confusing. It’s your _brother_ , your one and only sibling, and I couldn’t possibly say anything, I’m sorry.” His voice pitches higher as a warning of a new wave of tears.

“It’s okay.”

Hyungwon wriggles closer to him, wipes his tear stained-cheeks before he kisses them, and it seems like things are really gonna be okay. Like, Hoseok is no longer alone in this mess, his favorite gay is finally with him, on his side, by his side, sunshine licking his guts at the mere thought of it.

“How did you figure it out?”

“Oh,” Hyungwon chuckles. “We both share exactly one brain cell, so of course I knew the day you met my brother and the same day you almost walked into a street pole because you couldn’t stop staring at him. You were so painfully obvious, I mean, second hand embarrassment much?”

Hoseok laughs. The memory of that day still haunts him. Tight leather pants on Hyunwoo’s thick toned thighs still haunts him.

They shift closer still. Hoseok’s heart feels like an oven, overheating and ready for the pancakes to be baked. Sweetness fills his whole being.

“Do you think I should just, you know, confess or whatever? Will I not die? Will I not end up in the hospital because of a heart issue or something similar?”

“Hoseok, Hoseokkie, baby, sweetheart, it’s just a confession. A declaration of love. That’s fucking sappy but that's just what it is. It’s not like you’re gonna jump off a sixty-foot cliff.”

“I’d rather jump off a sixty-foot cliff.”

Hyungwon groans like he’s dying, and maybe he is. Rest in pieces and shambles.

“Trust me on this one, you are gonna be fine. He is not gonna reject you, and if he does I will personally hunt his ass with the axe that’s been collecting dust in the basement for years now, movie style even, with the screams and the background music and the whole shabang.”

“I still wouldn’t want you to hurt him.”

Hyungwon sighs. “Okay, alright. I’ll just take you then next break to Japan on a trip, everything on me of course.”

“Food and souvenirs too?”

“Yes, everything you want baby, now sleep my head hurts.”

Hoseok dreams of the gentle lull of oceans, floating and digesting licks and burns of sunlight. His limbs detach in disconcerting calmness and the gusty wind scatter them away and leave him in unfiltered vacancy. The next morning finds him with a great feeling in his guts. 

 

 

The easiest part is talking.

It always is. The motivational speech, the burning wave of courage that last for a few incriminating seconds until it’s the real deal and Hoseok cowers and retreats with _Abort-Mission! Abort-Mission!_ blasting like a warning in his head.

What a wimp, he wishes he has just an ounce of Hyungwon’s overflowing confidence that borders on arrogance 99.99% of the time.

Confessing your undying love for someone is not easy, especially when Hoseok had once made the mistake of finding Hyunwoo in his room dripping wet from his earlier shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist, cheeks flushed and lips red and- _Holy Hell_ \- Hoseok almost combusted. Of course, Hoseok didn’t confess that day, but he found himself in a whole different crisis. Hyungwon understood so he didn’t bother him, God bless his soul.

It’s not like there’s zero hope for a future with his Dream Man. Hyungwon had assured him many, many (many) times that there’s nothing to worry about, that Hyunwoo is most probably interested in him as well, that if they don’t sort this shit out he’ll take things into his own long bony hands and solve them himself, it’s getting really fucking ridiculous _blah blah blah_ (Hoseok stopped listening then).

Hoseok gets Hyungwon’s frustration, understands him, truly does because he is getting frustrated as well. He is so frustrated with himself and his incapability to say the stupid words and hold his breath while the world collapses on itself. Why is he such a wimp? Is there any way to unchicken himself? 

And so it keeps going like this, and things stay stagnant for weeks, and now it’s already winter break and they’re all huddled around the Christmas tree with various ornaments in the seven colors of rainbows, Hyungwon has been adamant on getting his Rainbow Christmas Tree, praise the gays, Amen.

Minhyuk is here too, and Hoseok hasn’t stopped staring at his big warm fluffy sweater. It says-

It says _‘Bonjour Bitches’_.  That’s so cool. Hoseok wants one.

Once done with decorations, they settle on the living room’s sofa and Hyunwoo prepares them some hot chocolate in the kitchen while the three of them argue over what Disney movie to watch.

Mulan wins though.

“Hoseokkie, here,” Hyunwoo says as he hands him a big mug with the hot liquid puffing steam. There’s a ten heavenly seconds of their hands touching. Hoseok resists the urge to plant his face in Hyunwoo’s big broad chest.

Hyungwon gives him the stink eye, the _you-must-be-shitting-me_ look, and turns back to the TV screen with a loud sigh.

Minhyuk, for some strange reason, snickers, looking from Hyunwoo to Hoseok. From Hoseok to Hyunwoo. Snickers some more, wraps himself around Hyungwon like a snake.

And okay, alright, it’s on him, and Hoseok understands.

Still, what a bunch of dickheads.

Hoseok pouts and it’s a subconscious thing he does. Some people have a resting bitch face, him, he happens to have a resting pouty face. His lips purse on their own, and usually that’s what gets him babied by his group of friends (Hoseok might or might not secretly enjoy it).

Hyunwoo sits by his right, pokes his lips twice, and Hoseok would have been fine with the attention until Hyunwoo drags his finger down and Hoseok’s lips give out and now a slick of his saliva coats Hyunwoo’s finger.

Something malfunctions in Hoseok’s brain. His ears feel very warm, his eyes looking at anything but Hyunwoo.

Hyungwon and Minhyuk are too engrossed in the movie to notice anything, which Hoseok is grateful for. He takes a large gulp from his mug as a mean for distraction, but he ends up burning his tongue and choking up in pain, which is really fucking clumsy.

Hyunwoo hurries to take the mug from his hand before it splashes everywhere and places it on the coffee table. He rubs Hoseok’s back and the warmth increases tenfold. It gets worse (better?) when Hyunwoo holds his hand to comfort him, words of _‘be careful, it’s still hot’_ whispered in his ear.

Hoseok refuses to look in Hyungwon and Minhyuk’s direction.

‘I’ll make a man out of you’ comes up then, and all of four of them sing along, although Hoseok’s voice is still scratchy.

Minhyuk sits Hyungwon on his shoulders and gets up on his feet in the direction of The Rainbow Christmas Tree where they’ve added ribbon candy and gumdrops along the ornaments. Minhyuk’s legs are too wobbly, and Hyungwon struggles a bit to snatch a candy in his mouth from the very top of the tree.

Things get dangerous real fast. That shit cost Hyunwoo a lot of money, Hoseok has seen the receipt when they went shopping.

“Guys, knock it off, you’ll ruin everything,” Hoseok warns which, of course, falls on deaf ears.

He turns to look at Hyunwoo, but Hyunwoo just gives him a sweet smile and a wink, and that like, hits Hoseok hard.

Fifteen minutes later, it becomes a competition to see who gets the most candy using only their mouth (‘you kinky bag of shit, I knew you had an oral fixation,’ Hoseok had whispered in Hyungwon’s ear).

Hyunwoo had easily lifted Hoseok on his broad (broad) shoulders, taking his hands in case he were to fall, and getting in the spirit of the game once it started.

Hoseok can’t remember the number of times the tree almost toppled on itself before all four of them screamed, hurried to save it and then continued playing. At some point, Hyunwoo had intertwined their hands together, every so often tightening his hold.

And though they might not have won in the end, Hoseok felt far from a loser.

 

 

It’s a few days later. It’s a Sunday and Hoseok had stayed over the night before.

Hyungwon is not around, which is very strange since he’s usually the last to roll off bed zombie-style to the bathroom. Hoseok decides to not put too much thought into it and heads down the stairs to the kitchen.

To the kitchen where Hyunwoo stands in boxer briefs, in gorgeous tan skin, in curvy muscular back and dimply drops at the end of the arch. When has breathing gotten so hard, Hoseok wonders (‘Never, you’re just being fucking dramatic,’ his inner Hyungwon tells him).

“Goodmorning Hyunwoo,”

“Morning Hoseokkie,”

Hyunwoo pours him milk and hands him a fresh from the microwave pain au chocolat. Hoseok accepts them with the enthusiasm of a child.

Silence with Hyunwoo is never awkward. It usually feels like a meditation session, Hyunwoo’s presence radiating comfort and safety, pulling Hoseok in, not a malicious spell no, but like how Snow White had a squirrel nuzzling her cheek and a deer clinging to her leg and a bird singing in melodies over her head and all her animal friends in a circle around her. It feels just like that. Hyunwoo just as lovely, just as gentle and Hoseok pivoting around the axis, wishing to get close.

The TV is boring and Hoseok’s tummy is full and his eyes are droopy-sleepy. Sun filters through the living room’s curtain. It streaks them in three long stripes. Hyunwoo is in a shirt and sweat pants now and Hoseok is just a tiny bit disappointed. He still wouldn’t want Hyunwoo to catch a cold.

On the sofa, Hoseok snaps awake every two seconds because of his neck constantly jerking in reflex. Hyunwoo switches the remote to his other hand and tucks Hoseok to his side with an arm around him.

Sunlight nibbles on his face, and the warmth from Hyunwoo is heavenly cozy. The TV keeps humming.

Hoseok lurches awake in horror with the ghost of a snake bite burning his side. It was a greenish ball python, and it bit him hella hard, and now he stares blankly at Hyunwoo.

“Bad dream?”

“Uhh, a painful one, poison involved. A snake.”

Hyunwoo hums, non committal.

“Snakes are cute though. They’re just big noodles who only attack when threatened. Have you threatened it?”

Hoseok for a moment forgets where he is, keeps staring at Hyunwoo, romcom playing in the background and the streaks now on Hyunwoo’s face, golden and glowy. It feels like a passage from a fairy tale.

“I believe no, I did not.”

A pause, and then,

“I have never met someone so ridiculously terrible at taking hints,” Hyunwoo says, voice soft in the morning light. He turns to the screen.

Hoseok is suddenly awake.

Hyunwoo pauses for a while longer, sighs. “Remember the day Hyungwon introduced us? A year and half ago, I think, fall season just starting, leaves falling off trees. Quite the lovely period it was.”

“And you were wearing leather pants.”

“And I was wearing leather pants.”

Hyunwoo chuckles, squeezes Hoseok closer. Hoseok is fairly certain his heart is doing most work to keep the oxygen flowing to his head. It’s beating crazy fast.

“Weren’t you cold? Back then? My hands were always blue. I still think about how great leather looked on you. You were like, playing Lana Del Rey in your car, and then Marina and the Diamonds came next. I knew we were gonna get close in no time.”

Hoseok sometimes wonders whether that day was all a figment of his imagination. Whether Hyunwoo truly shook his hand, smiled at him and welcomed him to their home. It was too good if he’s to be honest with himself. The light poles were flickering and the winds carried an unusual gentleness and Hyungwon was already home inside and Lana sang for them in the background and everything was- _lovely_.

He wouldn’t necessarily call it love at first sight. Infatuation maybe. He was smitten that day and he almost walked into a street pole.

Their heads rest against each other and Hoseok stares intently at the romcom but still doesn’t recognize the show. He can feel the vibrations from Hyunwoo’s deep voice.

“And then that one time you got so drunk I had to carry you and have Hyungwon call your roommate so he wouldn’t get worried. You’re such a lightweight, I was actually surprised.”

Hoseok flushes up to his ears.

“You had me mad concerned about you, Hoseok.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh no no, you shouldn’t be. You told me something that night, before you went to sleep.”

Sunlight hits directly Hyunwoo’s face, and it’s not harsh for him to blink every two seconds. Hyunwoo shifts a bit, brings his free hand to Hoseok’s chin.

Hyunwoo has honeycomb in his eyes, and it’s really fitting because Hyunwoo is sweet too. The loveliest, sweetest, most caring human being, and Hoseok is like, in love.

He runs his hand through Hoseok’s chocolate brown hair.

“You told me, ‘Hyung, you’re so beautiful hyung’, passed out for a few seconds, woke up again and asked if you could kiss me.”

“Oh my God.”

“And I was ready to give you a peck on the lips, you looked so sad when I refused-”

_“Oh my God, oh my God,”_

Hoseok ducks to the side, buries his face in Hyunwoo’s neck, scalp tingling in heat.

“I’m sorry I refused you Hoseok, but you were very drunk and you didn’t remember what happened the next morning, though I was quite sad about it.”

Hoseok’s breath hitches, his heart flutters to his throat and it makes him dizzy. He’s in Hyunwoo’s arms and he’s inhaling his scent and the romcom cuts to the ads. His hand clutches the front of Hyunwoo’s shirt, both his legs over Hyunwoo’s thighs, his mouth pressing gently to Hyunwoo’s.

“Is this okay?” he breathes out, looks into Hyunwoo’s honey glazed eyes.

Hyunwoo puts more pressure when he kisses him, and Hoseok gets dizzier, clings to him and wraps his arms around Hyunwoo’s neck. An arm tightens around his waist and pulls him closer; Hoseok gets the butterflies and he lets out a faint soft noise.

“Wait, wait wait, oh God, wait, I can’t breathe,” Hoseok clutches Hyunwoo’s shirt with both hands and rests his forehead against the wide expanse of Hyunwoo’s chest.

Hyunwoo rubs his back, and it helps him relax a bit more, take deeper breaths. He’s too tense.

“I’m sorry, I’ve had the biggest creepiest crush on you for a very long time, and this is just a tad overwhelming, fuck it’s so very overwhelming I might cry hyung,” and he lets out the happiest giggle he’s ever heard himself blurt.

“You’re so cute, so precious, I might crush you.”

“Please do it. Please hold me Hyunwoo, hold me until I bruise and whine to you after, please Hyunwoo I- Jesus fuck, I’m gonna cry,”

Hyunwoo kisses him again, slow and open-mouthed and drizzling with care. Hoseok runs his tongue along the seam of Hyunwoo’s mouth, teases him until Hyunwoo sighs against his lips, pushes him back and kisses him deeply into the sofa.

Hoseok’s hands slip under Hyunwoo’s shirt, and he feels the firm curves under his fingertips, back so strong it could support the weight of enormous spurting wings.

Hyunwoo looks at him then, eyes dark and cheeks flushed, presses his lips to Hoseok’s forehead, gives Hoseok a long close-mouthed kiss, and Hoseok mumbles _‘oh god oh god oh god,’_

Hyunwoo shifts, drops to the side and holds Hoseok in his arms with such bruising force it makes him whimper. Hoseok gets hit by the strong fruity smell of Hyunwoo’s body wash that he came to associate with warmth and coziness and everything good in life. He buries his face deeper in Hyunwoo’s neck, places soft sensual kisses on his skin.

“This okay? I think I might have been too harsh.”

“No, no no, don’t let go, please don’t let go, this is perfect. I don’t understand, why must you be so perfect? This is driving me mad, you’re driving me mad Hyunwoo.” Hoseok stops babbling, returns to kissing Hyunwoo’s skin.  

So Hyunwoo doesn’t let go, only holds Hoseok tighter around his waist and tucks him in with the strength of his arms.

“I should say the same to you, baby.”

Hoseok flushes more and he hopes his heart will survive this. It’s been quite the morning.

 

 

(When Hoseok wakes up next, it’s to a warm blanket covering both him and a sleeping Hyunwoo. He moves his eyes up and finds Hyungwon, smug and gross with his shit-eating grin, holding his phone, snapping pictures, mouthing _‘Fucking Finally, Fucking Finally!’_ over and over again, dancing his ridiculous mantis dance.

Hoseok looks up at the ceiling, thinks,

_So this is my life,_

Turns to Hyunwoo’s adorable sleepy face, thinks,

 _What a fucking beautiful life,_ )

 

**Author's Note:**

> writer's block absolutely sucks, and man have I struggled with writing anything that was remotely decent  
> anyhow, hello, hi :)))  
> thank you so much for reading ♡  
> I hope your day/night is going well


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